RELATIONSHIP THERAPY IN MUMBAI AND ONLINE
Relationship difficulties can make the same conflict feel impossible to escape.
Understanding the pattern may change how the conversation unfolds.
Relationship difficulties may appear as recurring arguments, emotional distance, unmet expectations, mistrust, resentment, or uncertainty about the future.
Therapy provides a private space to explore what is happening between you, what the experience means to each person, and the patterns that may be keeping the difficulty active.
In-person in Mumbai
Online therapy
Practicing since 1998
Stress at a glance
One disagreement. Two experiences. A repeating pattern.
COMMUNICATION
Criticism, defensiveness, silence, repeated explanations or feeling misunderstood.
EMOTIONS
Hurt, anger, loneliness, anxiety, resentment or emotional exhaustion.
EXPECTATIONS
Different needs involving closeness, reassurance, responsibility, freedom, fairness or support.
RESPONSES
Pursuing, withdrawing, pleasing, controlling, avoiding or trying repeatedly to prove a point.
NOT EVERY DIFFICULTY LOOKS LIKE AN ARGUMENT
Relationship difficulties may also appear as distance, silence or constant adjustment.
Some relationships involve frequent conflict. In others, people avoid disagreement while disappointment, loneliness, or resentment gradually develops beneath the surface.
Two people may be discussing the same event while responding to very different meanings.
One person may experience a request as criticism. The other may experience hesitation as rejection. Both may be trying to protect the relationship while responding in ways that unintentionally increase the distance between them.
REPEATED CONFLICT
The subject may change, but the argument repeatedly follows the same sequence and reaches the same ending.
EMOTIONAL DISTANCE
Conversation becomes practical or superficial, while affection, openness and emotional connection gradually reduce.
CONSTANT ADJUSTMENT
One person repeatedly sets aside personal needs to preserve harmony, prevent conflict or maintain the relationship.
PURSUIT AND WITHDRAWAL
One person seeks discussion, reassurance or closeness while the other asks for space, becomes silent or withdraws.
HOW A DIFFERENCE BECOMES A PATTERN
A relationship difficulty can become a self-reinforcing cycle.
The problem may not be only what happened. The meanings attached to the event and the responses that follow may cause the same interaction to repeat.
1
SOMETHING HAPPENS
An expectation is unmet, a message is misunderstood, a responsibility is neglected, or an important need goes unexpressed.
2
EACH PERSON INTERPRETS IT
The situation may be understood as criticism, rejection, indifference, control, disrespect, or lack of support.
3
A PROTECTIVE RESPONSE APPEARS
One person may argue, defend, explain, please, withdraw, become silent or attempt to control the outcome.
4
THE OTHER PERSON REACTS
The other person interprets the response through their expectations and concerns, activating another protective response.
5
THE ORIGINAL FEAR APPEARS CONFIRMED
Both people may conclude that they are not understood, valued, respected or emotionally safe—and the cycle becomes more familiar.
Therapy may help both people recognize the cycle before it takes over the conversation.
THE DISAGREEMENT MAY BE VISIBLE. THE PATTERN MAY NOT BE.
The argument may be about the present while the response carries a familiar meaning.
Relationship difficulties may activate concerns involving approval, expectations, uncertainty, rejection, belonging or control.
Viewed through the Survival Operating System, each person may be responding not only to what is happening now, but also through a familiar Survival Mechanism developed around maintaining acceptance, adapting to uncertainty or establishing a secure place.
Lawrence Fernandes’s Survival Operating System (SOS) offers a reflective lens for exploring recurring patterns that may influence stress. It supports deeper understanding while recognizing that every person’s circumstances are individual and may be shaped by more than one factor.
Visible experience
Arguments, silence, distance, jealousy, mistrust, disappointment or unresolved resentment.
PERSONAL MEANING
“You do not value me.”
“I cannot depend on you.”
“My needs do not matter.”
“I have to defend myself.”
PROTECTIVE RESPONSE
Pleasing, pursuing, withdrawing, controlling, proving, explaining, criticizing, or avoiding.
POSSIBLE SURVIVAL PATTERN
A familiar way of seeking approval, adapting to uncertainty or protecting one’s place within the relationship.
POSSIBLE SURVIVAL THEMES
Wanted Child pattern
Expectations, approval, responsibility, and fear of failure and being unworthy of the other person may become central.
Partly Wanted Child pattern
Uncertainty, pleasing, adjusting, and continuing to hope that the relationship will change may become familiar.
Unwanted Child pattern
Rejection, opposition, control, and the need to defend or establish one’s place may become prominent.
Primary purpose
The purpose is to understand which responses become active—not to assign either person a permanent label.
Lawrence Fernandes’s Survival Operating System (SOS) offers a reflective lens for exploring recurring relationship patterns. It supports deeper understanding while recognizing that every relationship is individual and may be influenced by several factors.
LOOKING BEYOND WHO IS RIGHT
Three questions can open a different conversation.
These questions are not intended to determine which person is at fault. They help explore how the relationship pattern develops and what each person experiences.
01
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?
Can you separate the event from the assumptions, predictions, and conclusions that followed?
02
WHAT DID IT MEAN TO EACH PERSON?
Was the experience interpreted as rejection, criticism, indifference, control, disappointment or loss of trust?
03
WHAT WAS EACH PERSON PROTECTING?
Was the response attempting to preserve approval, connection, independence, certainty, dignity or a sense of belonging?
FROM REPEATED REACTION TO GREATER UNDERSTANDING
Therapy can help you recognize the pattern and develop more constructive ways of relating.
The purpose is not to decide who is right or compel one person to accept the other’s view. Therapy can create a structured space to understand the interaction and identify where different responses may become possible.
01
MAP THE INTERACTION
Identify what begins the difficulty, how each person interprets it and the sequence through which the conflict or distance develops.
02
UNDERSTAND EACH EXPERIENCE
Explore needs, expectations, emotions and concerns that may be difficult to communicate during the interaction.
03
WORK THERAPEUTICALLY
SOS and NLP may be used to explore recurring expectations, internal language, interpretations and communication patterns.
Where appropriate, Clinical or Ericksonian Hypnotherapy may be included in individual therapeutic work to explore automatic emotional responses and strengthen personal resources.
04
DEVELOP DIFFERENT RESPONSES
Practice clearer communication, healthier boundaries, and more flexible ways of expressing needs, listening, and responding.
Methods vary by individual. Hypnotherapy may be included where appropriate, while the pace and direction of therapy are guided by each person’s needs, comfort and progress.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE RELATIONSHIP TO REACH A CRISIS
Consider seeking support when the pattern has become more powerful than the issue.
Relationship therapy may be helpful when:
01
The same argument keeps returning without resolution.
02
Communication quickly becomes defensive, critical or withdrawn.
03
Emotional or physical closeness has reduced.
04
Trust has been damaged and is difficult to rebuild.
05
Unspoken expectations repeatedly lead to disappointment.
06
One or both people feel unheard, unappreciated or alone.
07
Boundaries, family responsibilities or finances repeatedly create conflict.
08
A significant change has placed additional pressure on the relationship.
09
You are uncertain whether to continue, change or leave the relationship.
10
Previous attempts to improve the situation have brought only temporary relief.
Your therapist
Lawrence V. Fernandes
Lawrence has practiced as a therapist since 1998, integrating NLP with Clinical and Ericksonian Hypnotherapy.
He is the creator of the Survival Mechanism and Survival Operating System (SOS) framework and the author of three books.
Practicing as a therapist since 1998
NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner
Clinical and Ericksonian Hypnotherapy
In-person in Mumbai and online
BEFORE YOUR FIRST CONVERSATION
Questions you may have
Is relationship therapy only for married couples?
No. Therapy may help married or unmarried couples and people experiencing difficulties within other important relationships. The appropriate format can be discussed during the initial consultation.
Do both people have to attend?
Not necessarily. The therapist can explore relationship patterns individually when the other person is unwilling or unable to attend. If both people want to participate, we can discuss the suitability and structure of joint sessions.
Will the therapist decide who is right?
Relationship is not a contest to be won. Our purpose is not to declare a winner or assign all responsibility to one person. Therapy explores the interaction, each person's experience, and the responses that may keep the difficulty active.
Can therapy make the other person change?
Therapy cannot control another person’s decisions. It can help you understand the relationship more clearly, recognize your own responses, communicate more effectively, and make better-informed choices.
How many sessions might we need?
The number and format of sessions depend on the difficulty, the people involved, and how the work develops. We can discuss this during the initial consultation and review it as therapy progresses.
Will hypnotherapy be used during relationship sessions?
Hypnotherapy is not automatically included. If it appears appropriate, it will be discussed and used with your understanding and consent, usually as part of individual therapeutic exploration.
How many sessions might we need?
The number and format of sessions depend on the difficulty, the people involved, and how the work develops. We can discuss this during the initial consultation and review it as therapy progresses.
Is online relationship therapy available?
Yes. Online sessions may be arranged when they provide a practical and sufficiently private setting for the people participating.
IMPORTANT CONTEXT
Relationship difficulties may be influenced by present circumstances, personal histories, communication patterns, family expectations, finances, caregiving responsibilities, health concerns and individual emotional responses.
The Survival Operating System (SOS) provides one reflective lens for exploring these patterns. It does not determine who is at fault or prescribe whether a relationship should continue or end.
If a relationship involves violence, threats, stalking, sexual coercion, intimidation or controlling behavior, treat this as a safety concern rather than an ordinary communication problem. Prioritize individual support and avoid confronting the other person if doing so may increase the danger.
A private place to begin
Understanding the pattern may be the beginning of a different conversation.
Arrange a first conversation to discuss what is happening in your relationship and whether this therapeutic approach may be appropriate for you.